>Ridiculous conversations #1

I have long since touted myself not only a braver of, but a thriver in awkward situations. Grammar experts, please hold your comments on the last statement; I have no time for that at the moment. Since I was old enough to reason, figure, understand and empathize, I have recognized that some of life’s most uncomfortable or strange situations occur not only daily, but happen all around us on a constant basis, and it’s how we handle (or don’t handle) them that can bring us to a closer level of understanding ourselves, or people in general. Maybe it’s my sense of humor that makes these situations stand out for me, but it can’t be that alone. Because I keep them with me, even after the fact. They’re not monumental happenings, believe me; I’m not being dramatic or trying to sound smart. They’re just simple occurrences that make me think about people in different ways, all the time.

What I’m trying to say is: somewhat weird stuff happens to me and I’m probably going to start writing about it more. Here. I figured I’d start small, maybe recall some things from the past, and just put it all out there.
Wearing receptionist hat. Yesterday. Enter FedEx man. (Not our regular.)
He bursts through door brandishing clipboard. Hi, Got a delivery.
Me: jumping out of chair: OK! [chirping voice, annoying, yes. Self-entertaining, yes]
FedEx man: sidles up to desk and exhaustedly slams down clipboard. But, we gotta problem. The delivery is DAMAGED. I’m talkin WRECKED. I need someone to refuse it. I mean. No one in their RIGHT MIND would accept this delivery. It’s like. Completely DESTROYED.
Me: Oh dear! [concerned. like, really, concerned.]
Me: so can I–
FedEx man: So I need someone to refuse this delivery. I’m talkin, it’s wrecked. You or whoever ordered this cabinet’s gonna have to call the company and say it was refused. That’s all I’m sayin. You’re gonna have to call the company.
Me: OK, then I’ll refuse it.
FedEx man: Well and I need you or whoever to come outside and look at it in order to refuse it.
Me: OK, let me get someone to watch my desk then.
I locate my stand in, and follow FedEx man outside. He is still talking about the cabinet, and its DESTROYED state, but I’m not really listening to the details. He pauses, and looks at me as we walk.
FedEx man: And she’s gotta be wearing flip flops! [sneering]
Me: um, what’s wrong with my flip flops?
FedEx man: Well you’re not gonna have an easy time climbing into my truck with those FLIP FLOPS! I bet you didn’t think you’d be climbing into no FedEx truck when you got up this morning and put on those FLIP FLOPS!
Me: making use of appropriate long pause to think there is a correct response, there must be.
Me: I have to climb into your truck?
FedEx man: It’ll be easy, well, relatively. You need to see the damage in order to refuse the delivery. I’ll show you how to get up.
Me: You’re not going to kidnap me, are you?
FedEx man: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. No. I have WAY too much to do today than kidnap you. Waaaaay too much to do. I’m very busy.

He climbs up the back end of the truck and throws up the door with the same intensity as he handles his clipboard.
Me: I think I can see from here. Yes. I see the damage. I utterly refuse. Cabinet BEGONE!
The rest of the details are even more useless, so I’ll stop here. And he didn’t kidnap me. But only because he was a very busy man.
This entry was posted in kidnapping, receptionist, ridiculous conversations. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to >Ridiculous conversations #1

  1. NK says:

    I wrote a post yesterday that is so similar to this it’s not even funny. This one is better… I absolutely love the style in which you told this story. I’m going to forgo today’s post to post the back-up I wrote yesterday. In an homage to this. Because it’s that good. Kicks the ass of my post. How did you not tell me this story?

  2. Pingback: Did I Just See What I Think I Just Saw? | Words Forgotten

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